On a previous Blog - History Even a Sexual One Has a Way of Repeating Itself - reminded us that too many times we learn plenty “about” sex but have learned very little “from” sex. The main justification for this statement is that we continue, as did all the generations before us, to view sex as intercourse and all about performance. Let’s face it, this notion is supported through all the religions that promote procreation as the only valid reason for having “sex” and is certainly supported today by the pharmaceutical industries that peddle the “magic elixir” to make one ready when the time is right!
A man’s masculinity will be challenged if he is not able to get and maintain an erection and “perform” for his partner so that she will be pleased as well. And yes, women are just as invested in the erection as much as men in some cases maybe even more. If he cannot “get it up” i.e. “perform” she will think that she is not sexy enough and her self-esteem and sexual self-confidence can take a pretty hard hit. So why do we persist down this path when we are full aware of the dysfunctional end?
Let’s take a few steps backward. Let us go back to the place where our sexual engine was turned on for the first time. Think about what was really important to you then? If I am not mistaken, it would be all about experiencing the most pleasure possible. Hmmm maybe we’re onto something here! I’m pretty sure guys were not talking to their penises, asking – hey what gives, how come you didn’t last long enough – how ever one translates ‘long enough’. And if gals even thought of sexually touching themselves – mostly not encouraged and marginally supported even today – I am again pretty sure they were not contemplating how long a male partner might or should last.
So what is interesting to ponder in these terms is that performance sexuality is a learned and conditioned response and not “natural” as many would have us believe. So why not challenge yourself the next time you decide to engage sexually with each other to share, experience and enjoy as much fun and pleasure as possible? This means letting go of sexual encounters that are judged by stopwatches, erect penises, wet vaginas and dual orgasms, which can hamper our abilities to fully engage with our partners. So, go ahead – take the 30-day Pleasure Challenge – I dare you!